Poetry

Year and years ago, I used poetry to reason out my feelings and thoughts on things that stressed me out. It was my biggest form of therapy. I shared my poetry to begin healing from past traumas... No one will doubt that this year has been a rough year for a lot of people. My grief hits me at odd moments and I become completely overwhelmed with it. It is hard to put my feelings into words properly. Every time I try to, I get told by one person or another that this 'wasn't God's fault' or that 'God gave us free will'. I know people are trying to make me feel better. (I think) All that saying these things to me does is make me angrier and angrier. I feel like these well meaning people are trying to defend a God that just is not there for those he created. People say to call Him Father (Even the Bible says to call him Abba - Daddy - Father). Well, a father who isn't there to pick you up when you fall down is not a good father. I know what a GOOD father is and I know what a BAD father is. I've seen both sides of it.

People say that God is perfect - if God was so perfect, then why is creation so IMPERFECT? Would it not stand to reason that if God is perfect, then his creation should be as well. When God created man, he screwed up - big time. Man is possibly God's biggest mistake EVER. I know what people will say to this - God gave man free will - and they used this free will to screw up - and that's not God's fault. Okay, whatever.

People say that God has a bigger plan - if God's plan includes the murder of innocent babies, then I don't want to be part of that bigger plan. Sorry, God. I just don't.

So, anyway, back to poetry. This is my first attempt at poetry in years. It is dark, negative, and miserable. But that is where I am right now, when I'm not being Mommy, Wife, Teacher, etc. It is a really hard and terrible place to be. Some people when grieving cling to their image of God. I'm so dang angry right now that I can't see God through the anger. I just can't.

Oblivion

(5 stanza Haiku)

9/28/09 - Stephanie N. Street

Insufficient tears.

I shed them by the thousands,

God? Where were you then?

No resolution.

For he will never come home.

We long for some peace.

Living inside hell.

Eternal anger and pain.

Why give God glory?

All lost memories

Taken too soon from our grasp.

No time to feel joy.

Child gone into night

Gone because of one mistake.

Forever broken.