Doctors are no fun... no fun at all...

Went to the doctor today because I have been having some female issues.  He has recommended that I have an Endometrial Ablation.   We are done having children and have fixed that issue in a permanent matter, so it is not the fact that I won't be able to have children any more that really bothers me.  Though I have to admit, even though, we are done and my DH had that issue fixed it still bothers me a bit that I will be unable to bear any more children myself (it's stupid and completely in my own head). 

What is really bothering me about the whole thing is that I hate, hate, hate medical procedures.  I just simply don't have the time for down time and I don't want to bother with it!    But I suppose that it is either do this ablation or live with anemia, severe pain for 3 weeks out of the month and bleeding that is absolutely terrible.  

I'm also scared of the risks.  It seems like if it can happen during a medical procedure, it will happen to me.  Between hemorrhaging during Asher's birth, a wet tap with my epidural with Evie, drastic blood pressure drops with Isaac and again with Osric...  I have sensitivities to certain medications and allergies to other substances too.  

I'm really just being a big ol' wimp.  I am screaming in my head, "I don't wanna!!!!!"  Then I find myself reading about all the risks, percentages of success/failure.  What it is supposed to mean - if it is successful is that I will stop being in so much pain, have 3 weeks of misery every month, my anemia probably fix itself, my hormones will be more in balance, I won't get PMS.  Wow!  Sounds too good to be true, honestly...  Nothing is as good as it seems.

--Steph

Okay, so my last post was only 4 months ago...

I've been busy.  My bathroom is still unfinished...  (Don't ask and I won't bore you with the long and emotional story.)  My homeschooling year is as busy as ever.  I don't think it ever stops being busy.  Then there was the presidential election - very interesting - I, personally, was pleased with the results.  Throw in a couple of holidays and I have been busy, busy, busy!  

I have been doing lots of thinking lately on the topic of God, Christianity and Faith Matters.  These are still rolling around in my head but I feel I need to get these thoughts out in the open so that I can sort them through.   So, here goes:

1.  I am not as conservative as I once was, but I am still not liberal enough to be considered a liberal.  And I find myself pondering - how is that related to God, Christianity and Faith Matters anyway?  Why do my political leanings bear on how Christian I am?  That leads to number two...

2.  Can I still be at church if I am *not* ultra-conservative?  I don't know the answer to that question and that really bothers me.  I feel like there is no place for someone with my views at evangelical churches - I don't fit into their mold of what a Christian should be, so I would not be allowed to teach or lead in any way shape or form.  Can I not still be a disciple of Christ *and* like our current president?  Can I not still be a disciple of Christ *and* NOT like our former president?  Why do I feel alienated by the very people who *should* be my faith family and loved by those who are not even Christian?  I think conservatives Christians would probably say that I am being attacked by Satan with all these non-Christian friends of mine.  But love is love folks.  I'm getting the love from those of other (or no) faiths and getting the bad vibes from the Christians.  What gives?  Does this mean I love my Christian friends any less?  Nope, I have so many close friends who I would not want to do without to say that.  I have simply felt alienated by churches and people in them because of my views.

3.  I also feel like my brain can't quite wrap itself around the purpose of traditional evangelism within the US.   I feel that servant evangelism in a disenfranchised world might be more effective than traditional preaching.  In other words, sharing the love of Christ through good works might work better than telling them constantly that God loves them.  (Does God love them?  Of course, but it might be more effective *show them that YOU love them* rather than just telling them that God loves them!)

4.  I am also having problems with the purposes of certain traditions that differ from denomination to denomination.  The two main examples are Baptism and Communion.  Some denominations dunk, some denominations sprinkle, some do an infant dedication then later faith baptism , some do infant baptism then later faith confirmation...  What is the 'right' way?   

5.  I have come to a momentous decision in my life that I do not need church to be Christian.  The church has abandoned me like a wayward parent and I find that it is a "parent" that I want nothing to do with.  I will continue to love God with all my heart, but I don't need church to have faith.   

When I left church and went to my garden, 

I found God in places I never thought I would.  

When I left church and started giving time to people instead of committees, 

I found God in people I never thought cared.  

When I left church and started reading the Bible for my self, 

I found guidance I never thought was there.  

I think I'll find my own path, for now, thank you very much.  

That's about it.  I have been pondering all this for months.  Let the party begin, I have been outed as a Non-Conservative Semi-Southern Christian White Girl living in the Bible Belt and not liking church...