Ever get so busy, annoyed, and moody that you just want to check out on responsibility for a while? I am so there right now. As I sit in my back yard (by my new fire pit I received for Mother's Day posting this on our wireless network with iPad on my lap) I can't help, but be thankful for the many wonderful things in my life. But it is so easy to get stressed.
First, let us talk about my little stresses. I am currently convinced that preschool aged children all have multiple personality disorder... Osric is kissing me one instant and kicking me the next. Sometimes I just can't get a read on this child. He gives me such a hard time. And god help us all if he misses nap time. And Isaac is as moody and dramatic as a teenage soap opera. He is convinced that every bump he gets to his shin is a broken leg and every time his feelings get hurt he is just going to die. Being little isn't easy... Poor guys.
Then there are my bigger stresses - the school aged kids. Be it aggressive 11 year old testosterone filled Asher or highly sensitive cries at the drop of a hat almost 8 year old Evie, I am constantly worried about these two kids. We had a minor tragedy with Evie this morning when the ladybugs she was raising turned cannibal and began eating one another. It was time for them to be released anyway, but she bawled like she had lost a relative. I was so sad for her. Asher on the other hand seems to think that the world currently owes him and everything he is asked to do is unfair. I am trying very hard to convince him otherwise and figure by the time he is 25, we will have it all straightened out.
My kids are the least of my craziness. Even though I long for future days of no diapers and children who can all read and write, and I ache for a tantrum free day more than anything, my biggest stress right now has to be my self imposed life of servitude and constant responsibility. Having kids and a wonderful marriage was a choice I do not regret, but my lack of 'me time' (and I don't just mean the occasional mommy night out and date night, I mean real vacations with just my husband or by myself) is really starting to get to me. I see some mothers who seem so content to be with their kids all the time and I feel horribly guilty that I cannot be that way. I find myself snapping at the kids and my husband when *anyone* disturbs my only alone time - when I am sleeping and when I am in the bathroom. Then, when I do get some real alone time, I find myself feeling horribly guilty for needing it - like I should want my children to be with me where I am. I know my lack of 'me time' is really my own fault and that I just need to take the time if I need it, but I feel guilty for needing it in the first place so would it be more stressful take it and feel guilty than to continue suffering in my self imposed misery?
I am honestly not sure what the answer is. I'd like to spend about three days all by myself and find out...
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Summer plans and more gardening
Trying to work out a 'summer schedule' for school work, field trips, gardening, etc. is proving really challenging. We have been so busy the past several weeks that getting *any* school work done has been next to impossible. The social aspect of our lives is all consuming and I really need to take a step back and really examine the activities we do, when we are out of the house. We eat out more than we eat in and that is really hard on the wallet and not healthy at all. How can I manage to stay at home more? Getting my head wrapped around all that we do is even harder... It's so overwhelming.
The kids have summer theatre camp this year and we have our vacation this summer as well. Next fall, I will be making some hard decisions on what activities we do and don't do, but for now, we will just keep plugging away getting in as much as we can until the activities wind down a bit. The kids' plays are on May 21st, and we won't have theatre again until late summer for theatre camp. This will free our Mondays up for a while. I am trying to plan more weekend activities for our family because midweek field trips really throw off our school schedule. Working with three children has proven really difficult this year and I have floundered quite a bit on how to do it. So frustrating...
On the plus side, the few hours a week, I spend tending my garden have begun bearing fruit both literally and figuratively. My 5 gallon bucket of spinach and quart of strawberries were very tasty! When I go out in the evenings to tug at the weeds, pick off the pests, water, fertilize and train the vining plants, I totally relax. I long for the moment that I can escape out into the yard each day to play in my garden.
Evie helped me weed for a while today and it was a lot of fun describing the differences between the weeds and the plants. She is raising some lady bugs to go into the garden in a kit we ordered for her at Christmas. She's really loving watching her larvae turn into pupae. They are kind of creepy little things, but the end result, will hopefully be some lady bugs that can eat any mites, mealy worms, and aphids in my garden! I may have to order a few more kits for her to increase our lady bug numbers.
Asher is not too keen on the garden, mostly because he knows there are brussel sprouts out there that will hit his plate this summer. But he accepts that I love my garden and that it is important to me, so he leaves me to it. Oz and Isaac still love watering the plants, but sometimes try to help a little too much. Oz is really quick to help pull weeds and pull up things that aren't weeds.
Promising to post pictures soon of my garden, I have some I took several weeks ago, but the plants have grown to enormous proportions since then and I just don't think the pictures I have do it all justice!
The kids have summer theatre camp this year and we have our vacation this summer as well. Next fall, I will be making some hard decisions on what activities we do and don't do, but for now, we will just keep plugging away getting in as much as we can until the activities wind down a bit. The kids' plays are on May 21st, and we won't have theatre again until late summer for theatre camp. This will free our Mondays up for a while. I am trying to plan more weekend activities for our family because midweek field trips really throw off our school schedule. Working with three children has proven really difficult this year and I have floundered quite a bit on how to do it. So frustrating...
On the plus side, the few hours a week, I spend tending my garden have begun bearing fruit both literally and figuratively. My 5 gallon bucket of spinach and quart of strawberries were very tasty! When I go out in the evenings to tug at the weeds, pick off the pests, water, fertilize and train the vining plants, I totally relax. I long for the moment that I can escape out into the yard each day to play in my garden.
Evie helped me weed for a while today and it was a lot of fun describing the differences between the weeds and the plants. She is raising some lady bugs to go into the garden in a kit we ordered for her at Christmas. She's really loving watching her larvae turn into pupae. They are kind of creepy little things, but the end result, will hopefully be some lady bugs that can eat any mites, mealy worms, and aphids in my garden! I may have to order a few more kits for her to increase our lady bug numbers.
Asher is not too keen on the garden, mostly because he knows there are brussel sprouts out there that will hit his plate this summer. But he accepts that I love my garden and that it is important to me, so he leaves me to it. Oz and Isaac still love watering the plants, but sometimes try to help a little too much. Oz is really quick to help pull weeds and pull up things that aren't weeds.
Promising to post pictures soon of my garden, I have some I took several weeks ago, but the plants have grown to enormous proportions since then and I just don't think the pictures I have do it all justice!
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