I've always seen myself as seriously uncool.
But in my uncoolness, I've always been able to have my own sense of style,
My own passions, my own coping tools.
And being uncool as I am, all the while,
I still find myself longing to be cool.
I've always seen myself as seriously unbeautiful.
My hair is a little too unruly, my movement too awkward, my nose a little too long.
But I have always been kind of handy, somewhat skilled, mostly dutiful.
I love all those qualities about myself, but is it so very wrong
To desire to be really just knock out beautiful?
I've always seen myself as seriously trusting.
My heart a little too gullible, my mind a little too dull, my outlook a little too optimistic.
I don't guard my heart. I want to think the best, but I find myself lusting
For a better world and for better, kinder people. Is that even realistic?
When I get hurt, is it realistic to think that anything is worth trusting?
I've always seen myself as seriously untalented
My body not at all athletic, my voice not at all musical, my mind not at all smart
I am jealous of those qualities in others and have always lamented
The things I could do if only my body, my voice, my mind could just give some sort of art
With value or at least something that could be in someone else's mind: counted.
I've always seen myself placing too much value on the opinions others have about me.
Why doesn't this person like me? Why doesn't this person trust me?
What did I do to deserve their scorn? Why do I even try, if all they do is reject me?
The events and people shouldn't matter, but they do. Rejection hurts me.
Pretty soon, rejection becomes all that I see.
I've always seen myself as fairly balanced until my hormones go nuts.
My personality shifts. I get melancholy, paranoid, grumpy.
I have all these negative thoughts. A twisting in my mind and my gut.
"That friend doesn't like me. My kids hate me. Oh, good lord! I'm so dumpy!"
My brain is all out of sorts. And I can't wait for reality to take over this awful brain smut.
I've always seen myself as seriously uncool.
Whether or not my body was going absolutely crazy.
I can say, that it is easier to be uncool
When my thoughts are sane, when my brain is not so hormonally hazy.
And yet even then, I sometimes want to be cool.
