Forgive me if I forget something or have to call you back later...

It is getting more and more difficult to pay attention to anything other than my children during the day time.  All four of them require at least an hour or more of my time individually.  Plus time spent sitting near them after teaching in case they have questions or need redirection when they get distracted.  We do "book" stuff Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays.  Wednesdays we take for outside activities.  Mondays and Thursdays we also have speech therapy.  Most evenings at least one if not all of us have Taekwondo.   Occasionally, we get done early with it, but when we don't, we are kind of stuck at the house doing "book work".  Even with a transition to a mostly child led approach with one of the kids, she is very academically driven and has chosen some challenging stuff this year and is really enjoying it.  It just takes a lot of our time.  It is not that we are busy.  I have eliminated many of our outside activities specifically to avoid the stress.  But I have to prioritize my children's education.

One of the down sides of being a homeschooler (or for that matter any "working parent" and homeschooling is definitely real work) is that you do not have 6 hours a day that your children are not home with you.  This leaves very small amounts of time to get things done - like going to the bank, preparing healthy meals, shaving your legs, going to the doctor, cleaning your house.  

There are days that I long to be just a SAHM.  That is not to say that SAHMs are not hard working.  Being a SAHM is very hard work.  Managing a household, getting kids to activities, taking care of errands, etc.  You SAHMs work.  It is a job - make no doubt about that.  It is a job that is wonderful most days, and perfectly awful on others.  It is a job that pays so well intrinsically yet horribly monetarily.

Families with parents who choose to stay at home or homeschool sacrifice financially to do so.  Most stay at home parents have specialized training in some field they've left to be with their children.  Many have college degrees.  When their children turn 18 and leave for adult endeavors, stay at home parents are faced with fewer choices then their "working" peers. Their experience as managers of their home is completely invalidated by the corporate world.  It is looked down upon.  Even so, some days I want to be just a SAHM.
 
I feel today, like I have your job and the job of four private tutors, arts and crafts director, physical education teacher, activities director, and social skills trainer.  When my youngest turns 18 when I am 48 and I am faced with both Menopause and possibly returning to the workforce, I hope attitudes have changed.  I've watched women who had very promising careers at 25 have to scratch and claw just to get in the door of some companies when they have been out of the work place just for the few years before their children enter school.

I wonder what my options will be at that point.  At 48 what will I want to do with my life?  13 years seems like a long time, but it isn't.  Not in the grand scheme of things.  My daughter just turned 11 and it seems like just yesterday she was this glowing little chunk with a head full of hair.  Same for my 14 year old son...  and my 7 year old son...  and my 5 year old son!  They were all just babies.  In 13 years, what will I be?

For some weird reason, I feel like I need to begin planning as soon as possible for this eventuality.  What do I want to be when *my kids* grow up?  Will I want to be a "housewife" at that point?  Maybe start a Mahjong club with a group of other housewives in my little town?  Or will I want to brave reentering the corporate world to face age discrimination.  Not to mention the discrimination against those who choose the life I've chosen.  Maybe I'll be an entrepreneur.  Maybe I'll write.  At 48, how do you restart a career?  I just don't know.

Our identity as human beings often hinges on answering the question, "What do you do?"  There have been moments where I have been ashamed to say, "I'm a homeschool mom." As if that job is somehow 'less than' what I was before kids, when I could say, "I'm a technical writer."  I guess it is 'less than' monetarily speaking.  It doesn't help when it has been implied by friends, acquaintances, and even family members (intentionally and unintentionally) that being a SAHM or a homeschool mom is indeed an inferior option to staying in the work force.  After a while, one ponders whether or not these folks are right.  They are - at least in the eyes of the "working" world.

In any case, right now, I will have to call you back later.  My children need an education - text me if you need me.  I can't talk and supervise them at the same time.  It is distracting for all of us and it is my job to see that they get the things they need.  Sorry.

A few tasty recipes - Chicken Salad, Strawberry Salad, and Pimento Cheese

My beautiful niece, Julie is preparing for a new baby in July.  I hosted her baby shower this weekend and was asked to share some of the recipes I made so here it is!  I made Chicken Salad, Pimento Cheese, and Strawberry Spinach Salad which everyone seemed to really enjoy.  Here are my recipes:

Chicken Salad
1 cup of red seedless grapes, quartered
2 cups of chopped chicken breast (I use the ready prepared kind you can buy sliced up in packages in the store, but I'm sure it's better with fresh chicken.)
1/2 cup of chopped pecans
1 chopped large Vidalia or other sweet onion
1 tbsp of minced jarred garlic
1 tbsp fresh ground pepper
1 tbsp dried parsley
1 tsp dried basil
1 cup Mayo
(I made twice as much for a larger batch)

Mix all ingredients in a bowl and chill for at least an hour to allow flavors to blend.

Strawberry Salad
2-3 cups of fresh sliced strawberries
1 cup of chopped pecans
1/2 cup sesame sticks
1/2 cup hulled sunflower seeds
1/2 cup hulled roasted pumpkin seeds
1 cup of dried cranberries
1/2 cup sliced almonds
Large bag of spinach, spring mix or other ready made salad mix with darker greens
1/2 bottle of Ken's Steakhouse Sweet Vidalia Onion Dressing
Feta cheese if desired (I don't use it any more and it's just as good)

I layer all the ingredients like a lasagna to keep from handling and tossing the salad too much.  Let it chill for a wile before serving and the strawberries will give up a bit of their juices and really make the flavor something amazing!

Pimento Cheese
One giant block of white sharp cheddar cheese - chunked and put through a food processor (Don't use pre-shredded, it doesn't work, trust me.)
2 small jars of diced pimentos
1-1 1/2 cups of Mayo
1 tbsp minced garlic (I use the jarred kind)
1 tsp dried minced onion
1 tsp dried parsley
a ton of freshly ground pepper
1/2 tsp salt

I mix in the mayo a little at a time until it reaches the right consistency.  Chill for an hour to let the flavors blend before serving.  The freshly ground pepper is really key here - the pulverized pepper that comes in a little metal tin is just not sufficient.  You can buy pepper and salt grinders now right in the spice section of the store and salt grinders.  Freshly ground is really the way to go for these seasonings!  It makes such a huge difference in the richness of the flavors.

Mom's Pasta Salad
One package of tricolor spiral pasta
One bottle of Italian Dressing
Salt and Pepper to taste
One Onion
Fresh Veggies from the garden (Tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, whatever else is growing.)
Pepperoni
Cheese

Cook pasta, then combine all ingredients, chill, and serve.

What Agnosticism Means to/for Me

I'm writing this post mostly so I can stop being mistaken for something I'm not.  My husband is atheist.  Therefore, somehow, a lot of people come to the mistaken conclusion that I too, must be atheist.  (Because somehow a strong, independently thinking woman should believe exactly what her husband believes, right?)  It's kind of frustrating to have to correct people on this when they make assumptions that just aren't the case.  This case of mistaken faith identity has occurred no fewer than seven times, to my knowledge over the course of the past 6 months.  I think because he tends to be a bit more vocal about his beliefs, (thoughts, and political views, etc.), and I tend to agree with a great deal of what he has to say, folks tend to think we share a brain.   For the record:  We don't share a brain.  For the record:  I am agnostic.  

Atheists believe, absolutely, that there is no god.  This is oftentimes an almost religious belief in and of itself.  Atheists popular in those circles preach (for lack of a better term) that because of science or scientific discovery, they can undeniably state that there is no god.  An absolute truth, as far as they are concerned.  Deists believe, absolutely, that there is a god.  Deists preach about god in absolute terms.  There is no wiggle room for them either.  Their god(s) are an absolute truth.  Here is my problem with these absolutists: you can't both be right and you will never agree with one another.   I believe it is all a matter of faith, knowledge, and perspective.  

The argument for these specific absolute truths - that there is a god or that there isn't a god does not impact my life in the slightest at this moment.  As for the afterlife, I guess I'll find out when and if I get there.  I am a proud agnostic.  I feel am smart enough to know that I am way too stupid to claim absolute knowledge on numerous subjects.  The existence of any god or nonexistence of said god is one of those subjects.  

I do not begrudge you your belief that there is a god and I do not begrudge you your belief that there isn't.  I just don't think either of you have really strong evidence to convince me one way or the other.    I also believe that you both have some pretty strong arguments in both directions...  I think it is fantastic that you can have enough knowledge and/or faith to believe in these absolutist tenets.  Good on you.  I have also seen some ugly zealotry on both sides that really shows the darker side of humanity that is always so disappointing to me.   To this point, I do believe in one thing - humans are oftentimes, very disappointing creatures.

In any case, stop lumping me in with my amazing and fantastic husband.  I respect his beliefs a great deal.  I even think he's pretty darn smart and has some very good arguments.  However, I don't live in the 1950s and do not submit my beliefs to his will.  

I have the utmost respect for both adamant atheists and adamant deists alike.  I know some very intelligent and well reasoned folks in both camps.  However, I cannot believe either that there is a god, or that there is not.  I believe the possibility of either concept being true is plausible.  Honestly, a belief in either concept would not change the way I live my life - with a sense of integrity, friendship, compassion, and social justice.  I hope that is also what I am teaching my children as well.