Recovery is so slow... but steady!

I am one week out from my Hysterectomy and TVT-O surgeries.  Recovery already feels so slow.  However, while sitting on my butt wishing I were already better so I could compete in the September Taekwondo Tournament and getting very angry that I'm not, I've decided that next year, I'll be stepping up my game.  I want to make a 2 year intensive training goal to be in the top 5 in my division for 2015.  I figure I have 5 more weeks of healing, then another 12 weeks to get back to where I was before surgery.  This puts me past Testing in December - I might be ready for testing then, but if I am not 100%, then I do not want to test for my 1st Degree Decided Black Belt until February.  I want to be stronger than I was before surgery before I do that.  That will give me about six weeks to train before the January Tournament in Texas.  By that point, if I've not tested, I should have the best form I've ever done.  

Recovering from this surgery is a lot more difficult than I thought.  I don't have a ton of pain, as I thought I would.  The gas pains right after surgery were awful.  The initial pain from having my guts rearranged and sliced up was pretty extreme, but the hospital gave me enough drugs to make an elephant get a good buzz.  Honestly, I don't remember a whole lot of it!  I think this is a good thing.  I have flashes of going into the operating room - and that the table they put me on was skinny and someone saying, we're going to put the seat belt on you now!  And I, quite happily, said, "Okay!" The next thing I remember is them asking me to scoot over onto my bed in my room.  

Somehow, I was put in one of the rooms reserved for their Barriatric Surgery patients.   I am overweight, but not by much - I need to lose about 20 lbs to be at my goal...  So, when they finally removed my catheter and took me to the bathroom, I was astounded to find a toilet that looked 3 times the size of a normal toilet in every regard.  When I sat on it, my feet wouldn't touch the floor.  It took me forever to be comfortable enough on this giant toilet to actually do what needed to be done for me to go home!  

My tummy was sore for several days after I got home, and it is still kind of sensitive, but overall, I feel like I am doing pretty well in that regard.  I am taking one Naproxen in the morning and one at bed time.  I can take up to three, and my goal is to get down to one before week three begins.  I already have less pain than I did before surgery.  The doctor found Endometriosis, a Cyst on one of my ovaries and Fibroids in my uterus as well.  I'm very glad it is over and recovery is well underway.  

Swelling has not been horrible.  The TVT-O seems to be doing what is intended.  I lost a bit of blood, so my BP is still low, I think.  I have a little dizziness, so I'm still not driving, but I'm hoping that will resolve itself enough so I can drive myself to my doctor's appointment next week.  Overall, recovery is slow...  but it is steady!  Hoping to get out of the house at least a little this week.  I feel like I can do just as well sitting down with a friend or two as I can sitting in my bed watching Breaking Bad.  

Nerves of wet noodles...

I often feel very ill equipped to do the things I need or want to do.  I struggle a great deal with anxiety and major insecurities...   Taekwondo tournaments or testings bring out this feeling every time.  Not that I haven't been successful in my Taekwondo adventures, but I feel weaker than others, not as skilled as others, and in every way less talented than others.  I feel this a lot in other areas of my life as well.  I am weak, because I love food.  I am not skilled because I can't teach my children Algebra sufficiently.  I am less talented because my house is not immaculate or immaculately decorated.  My body is weak because I pee on myself when I sneeze or do a jumping jack.  My uterus, though its usefulness to me has waned, should not be full of fibroids.  I shouldn't *have* to have surgery to fix those problems because I should be able to fix them by doing something on my own.  

Every competition or testing, these negative thoughts creep into my head.  I'm not good enough.  Others do it better.  My form doesn't look like I imagine it looking in my head.  My sparring could be so much better, if only...  if only I lost 20 pounds...  if only I had more muscles...  if only I practiced more...  if only I had longer legs, stronger moves, higher kicks, better reaction time, better chambers, longer front stances, better balance...  It's so maddening to try really hard at something and still feel unsuccessful and frustrated after class.  And fat.  I still feel fat too.

Add to it that in a less than a month, I am having a surgery that is going to impact the height of my kicks, how I chamber my kicks, and how long my front stances are for a good long while and I feel very discouraged.  I want to fix my 'jumping jack issue', as I've begun to jokingly call it - it is really my jumping jack, running, laughing, sneezing, turn my head the wrong way problem.   I *need* the hysterectomy to end the 4-5 days of the week I suffer with pain and discomfort and the 10 day periods. But it will seriously impact my life *in this moment* and honestly, I just don't want to do it.  I've never had surgery and I'm scared out of my mind that something will go wrong.  I react strangely to medicines and I'm a total wimp when it comes to pain.  My body tells me daily that surgery is the right course of action, but my brain says, "Oh, hell no!  You are NOT letting them cut you!"

I'm afraid of tournaments - even though I've gone to nearly every tournament since March of 2010, and come home glad I did it.  I'm afraid of testing - if I don't pass this testing and get my first stripe on my new belt *before* surgery, I will come back after recovery ill prepared to get that stripe (which is for all the colored belt forms). There are exactly 3 classes after testing but before my surgery for me to accomplish this.  And I'm as scared as a bunny of having major surgery - I mean, they are removing a part of me that kept my children safe, alive, and warm for a total of 3 years out of the last 15 1/2 years.  That is emotional - it needs to be done - but it is still emotional.

Being in freak out mode is not a happy thing for me.  I guess I will tackle one big thing at a time.  This week, it is Tournament.  2  weeks - Testing.  3 1/2 weeks surgery.  Ugh.  One. Thing. At. A. Time...

Forgive me if I forget something or have to call you back later...

It is getting more and more difficult to pay attention to anything other than my children during the day time.  All four of them require at least an hour or more of my time individually.  Plus time spent sitting near them after teaching in case they have questions or need redirection when they get distracted.  We do "book" stuff Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays.  Wednesdays we take for outside activities.  Mondays and Thursdays we also have speech therapy.  Most evenings at least one if not all of us have Taekwondo.   Occasionally, we get done early with it, but when we don't, we are kind of stuck at the house doing "book work".  Even with a transition to a mostly child led approach with one of the kids, she is very academically driven and has chosen some challenging stuff this year and is really enjoying it.  It just takes a lot of our time.  It is not that we are busy.  I have eliminated many of our outside activities specifically to avoid the stress.  But I have to prioritize my children's education.

One of the down sides of being a homeschooler (or for that matter any "working parent" and homeschooling is definitely real work) is that you do not have 6 hours a day that your children are not home with you.  This leaves very small amounts of time to get things done - like going to the bank, preparing healthy meals, shaving your legs, going to the doctor, cleaning your house.  

There are days that I long to be just a SAHM.  That is not to say that SAHMs are not hard working.  Being a SAHM is very hard work.  Managing a household, getting kids to activities, taking care of errands, etc.  You SAHMs work.  It is a job - make no doubt about that.  It is a job that is wonderful most days, and perfectly awful on others.  It is a job that pays so well intrinsically yet horribly monetarily.

Families with parents who choose to stay at home or homeschool sacrifice financially to do so.  Most stay at home parents have specialized training in some field they've left to be with their children.  Many have college degrees.  When their children turn 18 and leave for adult endeavors, stay at home parents are faced with fewer choices then their "working" peers. Their experience as managers of their home is completely invalidated by the corporate world.  It is looked down upon.  Even so, some days I want to be just a SAHM.
 
I feel today, like I have your job and the job of four private tutors, arts and crafts director, physical education teacher, activities director, and social skills trainer.  When my youngest turns 18 when I am 48 and I am faced with both Menopause and possibly returning to the workforce, I hope attitudes have changed.  I've watched women who had very promising careers at 25 have to scratch and claw just to get in the door of some companies when they have been out of the work place just for the few years before their children enter school.

I wonder what my options will be at that point.  At 48 what will I want to do with my life?  13 years seems like a long time, but it isn't.  Not in the grand scheme of things.  My daughter just turned 11 and it seems like just yesterday she was this glowing little chunk with a head full of hair.  Same for my 14 year old son...  and my 7 year old son...  and my 5 year old son!  They were all just babies.  In 13 years, what will I be?

For some weird reason, I feel like I need to begin planning as soon as possible for this eventuality.  What do I want to be when *my kids* grow up?  Will I want to be a "housewife" at that point?  Maybe start a Mahjong club with a group of other housewives in my little town?  Or will I want to brave reentering the corporate world to face age discrimination.  Not to mention the discrimination against those who choose the life I've chosen.  Maybe I'll be an entrepreneur.  Maybe I'll write.  At 48, how do you restart a career?  I just don't know.

Our identity as human beings often hinges on answering the question, "What do you do?"  There have been moments where I have been ashamed to say, "I'm a homeschool mom." As if that job is somehow 'less than' what I was before kids, when I could say, "I'm a technical writer."  I guess it is 'less than' monetarily speaking.  It doesn't help when it has been implied by friends, acquaintances, and even family members (intentionally and unintentionally) that being a SAHM or a homeschool mom is indeed an inferior option to staying in the work force.  After a while, one ponders whether or not these folks are right.  They are - at least in the eyes of the "working" world.

In any case, right now, I will have to call you back later.  My children need an education - text me if you need me.  I can't talk and supervise them at the same time.  It is distracting for all of us and it is my job to see that they get the things they need.  Sorry.

A few tasty recipes - Chicken Salad, Strawberry Salad, and Pimento Cheese

My beautiful niece, Julie is preparing for a new baby in July.  I hosted her baby shower this weekend and was asked to share some of the recipes I made so here it is!  I made Chicken Salad, Pimento Cheese, and Strawberry Spinach Salad which everyone seemed to really enjoy.  Here are my recipes:

Chicken Salad
1 cup of red seedless grapes, quartered
2 cups of chopped chicken breast (I use the ready prepared kind you can buy sliced up in packages in the store, but I'm sure it's better with fresh chicken.)
1/2 cup of chopped pecans
1 chopped large Vidalia or other sweet onion
1 tbsp of minced jarred garlic
1 tbsp fresh ground pepper
1 tbsp dried parsley
1 tsp dried basil
1 cup Mayo
(I made twice as much for a larger batch)

Mix all ingredients in a bowl and chill for at least an hour to allow flavors to blend.

Strawberry Salad
2-3 cups of fresh sliced strawberries
1 cup of chopped pecans
1/2 cup sesame sticks
1/2 cup hulled sunflower seeds
1/2 cup hulled roasted pumpkin seeds
1 cup of dried cranberries
1/2 cup sliced almonds
Large bag of spinach, spring mix or other ready made salad mix with darker greens
1/2 bottle of Ken's Steakhouse Sweet Vidalia Onion Dressing
Feta cheese if desired (I don't use it any more and it's just as good)

I layer all the ingredients like a lasagna to keep from handling and tossing the salad too much.  Let it chill for a wile before serving and the strawberries will give up a bit of their juices and really make the flavor something amazing!

Pimento Cheese
One giant block of white sharp cheddar cheese - chunked and put through a food processor (Don't use pre-shredded, it doesn't work, trust me.)
2 small jars of diced pimentos
1-1 1/2 cups of Mayo
1 tbsp minced garlic (I use the jarred kind)
1 tsp dried minced onion
1 tsp dried parsley
a ton of freshly ground pepper
1/2 tsp salt

I mix in the mayo a little at a time until it reaches the right consistency.  Chill for an hour to let the flavors blend before serving.  The freshly ground pepper is really key here - the pulverized pepper that comes in a little metal tin is just not sufficient.  You can buy pepper and salt grinders now right in the spice section of the store and salt grinders.  Freshly ground is really the way to go for these seasonings!  It makes such a huge difference in the richness of the flavors.

Mom's Pasta Salad
One package of tricolor spiral pasta
One bottle of Italian Dressing
Salt and Pepper to taste
One Onion
Fresh Veggies from the garden (Tomatoes, squash, cucumbers, whatever else is growing.)
Pepperoni
Cheese

Cook pasta, then combine all ingredients, chill, and serve.

What Agnosticism Means to/for Me

I'm writing this post mostly so I can stop being mistaken for something I'm not.  My husband is atheist.  Therefore, somehow, a lot of people come to the mistaken conclusion that I too, must be atheist.  (Because somehow a strong, independently thinking woman should believe exactly what her husband believes, right?)  It's kind of frustrating to have to correct people on this when they make assumptions that just aren't the case.  This case of mistaken faith identity has occurred no fewer than seven times, to my knowledge over the course of the past 6 months.  I think because he tends to be a bit more vocal about his beliefs, (thoughts, and political views, etc.), and I tend to agree with a great deal of what he has to say, folks tend to think we share a brain.   For the record:  We don't share a brain.  For the record:  I am agnostic.  

Atheists believe, absolutely, that there is no god.  This is oftentimes an almost religious belief in and of itself.  Atheists popular in those circles preach (for lack of a better term) that because of science or scientific discovery, they can undeniably state that there is no god.  An absolute truth, as far as they are concerned.  Deists believe, absolutely, that there is a god.  Deists preach about god in absolute terms.  There is no wiggle room for them either.  Their god(s) are an absolute truth.  Here is my problem with these absolutists: you can't both be right and you will never agree with one another.   I believe it is all a matter of faith, knowledge, and perspective.  

The argument for these specific absolute truths - that there is a god or that there isn't a god does not impact my life in the slightest at this moment.  As for the afterlife, I guess I'll find out when and if I get there.  I am a proud agnostic.  I feel am smart enough to know that I am way too stupid to claim absolute knowledge on numerous subjects.  The existence of any god or nonexistence of said god is one of those subjects.  

I do not begrudge you your belief that there is a god and I do not begrudge you your belief that there isn't.  I just don't think either of you have really strong evidence to convince me one way or the other.    I also believe that you both have some pretty strong arguments in both directions...  I think it is fantastic that you can have enough knowledge and/or faith to believe in these absolutist tenets.  Good on you.  I have also seen some ugly zealotry on both sides that really shows the darker side of humanity that is always so disappointing to me.   To this point, I do believe in one thing - humans are oftentimes, very disappointing creatures.

In any case, stop lumping me in with my amazing and fantastic husband.  I respect his beliefs a great deal.  I even think he's pretty darn smart and has some very good arguments.  However, I don't live in the 1950s and do not submit my beliefs to his will.  

I have the utmost respect for both adamant atheists and adamant deists alike.  I know some very intelligent and well reasoned folks in both camps.  However, I cannot believe either that there is a god, or that there is not.  I believe the possibility of either concept being true is plausible.  Honestly, a belief in either concept would not change the way I live my life - with a sense of integrity, friendship, compassion, and social justice.  I hope that is also what I am teaching my children as well.  

Ugh. I don't have time for this.

I headed to my gyno this morning for some issues I've been having. Turns out I probably have pockets of endometriosis in my uterus wall which have been causing blood to pool causing severe cramping, clotting, and bleeding during my periods. It's been wholly unpleasant. She says that we could treat with birth control hormones (The Pill, Mirena, Depo Shot), however, since I have never responded to the pill well it is probably not a good option. I always feel sick and miserable on any sort of hormonal birth control: very nauseous, bleeding, etc. An ablation is an option, but will not relieve the pain I have every month. Looks like the best option, for me, anyway, is a Hysterectomy. She thinks a partial will be okay since my ovaries feel normal, but will not know until she is in there for sure. She thinks she can do it Laparoscopically/Vaginally. I hope so. The recovery on that is so much easier.

I have been so focused on getting healthy the past 2 years of my life. I am eating better - less processed and healthier foods. I exercise at least 4-6 days a week. I've lost weight the right way. I have eliminated some of the stressors in my life. I try very hard to be positive mentally. I have very much been focused on healthful living. It is very hard not to see a major surgery as a pretty significant setback. It is hard to stay positive mentally when they are removing a pretty major organ from my body. Granted, it is an organ that I am done with. Four children is *plenty* for me. And the thought of never having a period again is a glorious proposition. But I have never had major surgery and the thought of slowing my life down enough to do so is pretty daunting. Three-Six weeks without Taekwondo at all feels like a prison sentence.

Before the Hysterectomy can happen, I first I have to have Urodynamics testing done to see why I am having some of the other issues. Some of those may be correctable by surgery as well, so I may be looking at two surgeries instead of one.

I also found out (when the doc looked up whether or not my allergy med might be causing some of the urinary issues I've been having) that my allergy med may be causing some of the GI issues I've had over the past while. Sigh. So, I will be switching allergy medications and researching side effects better.

I was very upset and boohooed at the doctor. I feel so bad about being so emotional. I really am done with the pain and the bleeding. I was/am just so overwhelmed with the prospect of taking time off from my life to do something so major. I know in the long run, I will probably feel better. I won't have the misery that has been part of my life for the past 5 years. But I am frightened, emotional, and anxious. And right now, I don't have a "plan". I don't have a calendar I can look at to say, "Okay, Urodynamics testing is this day, my annual exam is this day, and my hysterectomy is this day..." I don't like not having a plan in place. It makes my anxiety so much worse.

So I've been doing research this morning regarding diets for IBS. There is so much conflicting information out there. Web MD says one thing. Mayo says something similar but slightly different. This other web site says a lot more and contradicts some of what Mayo says... It boils down to this - cutting red meat, only eating white meat poultry no skin or lower fat fish. No nut butters, but if I finely ground nuts, I can have them, so they say??? No coffee, not even decaf. No caffeine. No beans unless I blend them up. No solid chocolate, only cocoa powder. No veggies unless they are cooked. Some websites say to peel the skins off fruit to make them easily digestible. Others say to leave them on for the fiber. One web site recommends a severely limited diet with very few foods. Another recommends eating veggies of all sorts for fiber. Can't I just eat what tastes tasty as long as it is 'healthy'?

All I know is that I am tired of being afraid of wandering too far from a bathroom. The things I am doing consistently do nothing, though have reduced my headaches. Others I am doing inconsistently definitely aren't working. I'm about to give up and go back to enjoying food and damning the consequences.

Food and the way it affects my body has become this horrible enemy that I want to conquer. But according to some web sites it may not be a food issue at all. It might have more to do with anxiety. If that is the case, why have my doctors not suggested this. I had no idea IBS triggers were stress and anxiety. Duh?!?! I have generalized anxiety disorder!!! Could all of my digestive problems be solved by me taking a stupid antidepressant or anti anxiety med? Seriously?

I am in pain daily. My stomach hurts daily. For the past several months I have had diarrhea at least 2-3 days a week. Sometimes my digestive system stops working and I don't go for several days. I oscillate wildly between an overworked digestive tract and one that doesn't work at all.

I am seriously at my wits end with all of this. I need answers. I need some real solutions. I want to enjoy food again. I want to enjoy life. I don't want to be so consumed with what I can or can't eat. I just want to live... And dang it, I want a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich on my favorite Arnold Oatnut bread with a giant glass of skim milk. I miss real milk. I miss real bread.

Top 10 Reasons Why Parenting just sucks some days

10. When your kids hurt and there is nothing you can do to fix it.
9. Smart alecs.
8. Overflowing stinky diapers.
7. Late night wake up calls for sick children.
6. Late night wake up calls for sick children - when you are sick as well.
5. When they say, "I'm boooorrreeed."
4. "Are we there yet?"
3. Mount Laundry.
2. Projectile Vomit that isn't your own... not that it is good when it is your own.
1. Cleaning projectile vomit off of car carpets, walls, sheets, stuffed animals, toys, hair, clothes, floors, and pretty much anywhere else at 2:00 a.m.

As I gaze over at my beautiful sleeping child - whose little red head is peeking out over the arm of the couch, I see how all the things that suck are worth it. This little person who grew inside of me is so amazing. Even when I am cleaning the messes in the middle of the night, he's still amazing and beautiful... and a little bit pitiful at this point in time.

I am so ill myself tonight. When he woke me to tell me he had puked in his bed, I was dripping in sweat and shivering. Now I'm just shivering, but I wouldn't miss being able to be here for my kids for anything. However, I think, for tomorrow, at least, my husband may have to take over sick duty for a while so I can get some sleep.

Dairy Free & Gluten Free

As I said in my last post, I've altered my diet, eliminating Gluten and Dairy to try and help my health issues. My stomach issues along with severe migraines had gotten really awful. The dairy free stuff I have had a couple of months to adjust to, but I am still exploring what gluten free products actually taste good. I have established a shelf in my cabinet specifically for GF/DF stuff that I've forbade my children from touching without permission. Without going gluten free, I was able to find many of my normal products that were dairy free. Adding in the gluten free aspect, I am finding it more challenging to find... da-da-duuuummmmm... Junk food - that actually tastes good.

Eliminating Reese's Cups at first was the most difficult thing I've ever done! I know that sounds ridiculous, but Reese's Cups are my favorite food on the planet. I've probably spent thousands of dollars over the course of my lifetime on Reese's cups. I love them that much. I've had ONE since November. Within hours of consuming it, I had a splitting migraine headache. Lesson learned - My body doesn't like them even if my mouth craves their tasty-chocolatey-peanutbuttery goodness. If I could hire Reese's to make me a Reese's Cup with no dairy, I would! Other peanut butter cups pale in comparison to the real thing. It's depressing.

Reese's puffs cereal, has been something I've been enjoying. It isn't listed as GF/DF, but doesn't list anything with gluten or dairy as an ingredient. It gives me the Reese's flavor without the actual Reese's Cups. It may have cross contamination with wheat though at this point my whole house is a cross contamination risk. My family still eats gluten and there is just no way to eliminate cross contamination at this point. I'd have to either move all my cooking for myself upstairs to our other kitchen, then I'd have to stop my 14 year old from taking food up there (he lives in the upstairs "apartment"). So I cheat a bit with the Reese's Puffs for now.

Oreo's are dairy free. Which was nice when I was still eating Gluten. The Glutino brand Chocolate Vanilla Creme cookies are decent, but are almost too chocolatey. They aren't quite the right texture. Dipped in Pacific Foods Hazelnut Milk makes them work for me. They need to make a "double-stuf" version of these because really, the chocolate cookie is just a carrier for the cream for me!

Van's has a "Lots of Everything" crackers are really good dipped in Hummus, dressing, salsa, or even crumbled into Chili. They are Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Corn Free, Soy Free, GMO free. Their ingredients: Oats, Brown Rice, Millet, Quinoa, Amaranth, Non-GMO expeller pressed canola and/or sunflower oil, potato starch, brown sugar, rice flour, sesame seeds, salt, yeast extract, poppy seeds, dried onion, dried garlic, sunflower Lecithin, Caraway seeds. They are delicious.

Rice Crispies for cereal is always good as are Rice or Corn Chex. Cereal is very important to me.

Other things that have become commonplace in my diet these days: Avocado (on everything from a sandwich spread to guacomole, to a veggie dip), Hummus, Fruit, Greens (Collards, Spinach, Swiss Chard), Baby Carrots, Celery, Nuts, Bananas, Citrus fruits, etc. I've been really pushing myself to explore real foods as well as finding substitutes for the junk foods I loved up until they began giving me migraines.

However, I have had to find some dairy substitutes to at least let me alter some of my comfort food recipes. I think for now, I have mastered being Dairy free. I hope to do a similar post on what has worked for me in the Gluten Free arena as well soon. But right now I have too much still to try out. Right now, I am still here: http://youtu.be/k9QbC41oQRo

For now, I give you - What works for this crazy mom - the dairy free version:

I have not found a Yogurt Substitute that I like yet, but I am still trying. Almond, Coconut, Soy... None of them have that Greek Yogurt texture I really like. If you like Yoplait or other non-greek yogurts, then the substitutes will work. I am pondering "squeezing" some of the plain soy yogurt in cheese cloth to see if I can get a thicker texture. It's just too thin for my purposes!

MimicCreme is my favorite Heavy Cream Substitute. I use it to make Cream of Broccoli Soup, Potato Soup, Chocolate Truffles (made with Trader Joe's Semi Sweet Chocolate Chips and also Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips), and Mashed Potatoes. Any recipe that calls for cream, evaporated milk, or milk can use MimicCreme instead. It is made from Cashew Cream and comes in sweetened and unsweetened varieties. Both are tasty. They also have a wonderful Hazelnut Biscotti Coffee Creamer that is delicious in my morning coffee. I was so happy to find it at my health food store the other day when I went. I really wanted to try it before I bought a case of it online.

Pacific Foods Hazelnut milk is my drinking milk substitute of choice. I use it on Cereal, to dip my cookies, or just to drink. It is pretty thick tasting, more like whole milk than skim. It is slightly sweet, but not overly so. The chocolate version tastes a bit like drinking Nutella. It makes a more milky coffee creamer, but I don't use it for that unless I have to.

I like the Tofutti brand "american cheese", but it has kind of a crumbly texture. The flavor is right though, which is what matters to me. It does okay on a grilled cheese sandwich made with Udi's Gluten Free Sandwich Bread and tastes just fine on a ham sandwich.

Tofutti also has a "Better than..." line that I like. Their Sour Supreme better than sour cream is pretty darn close to the real thing. The Better Than Cream Cheese is quite tasty as well, though it doesn't make a great NY cheese cake. They also have a Ricotta that is pretty passable in Pastas and such. I haven't tried it in Lasagna yet, but I did use it as an ingredient in a quiche.

I love the Galaxy Nutritional Foods Vegan Chive and Garlic Cream Cheese Alternative. It is just tasty. It's good on sandwiches, bagels, spread on toast. I also used it in my no-dary-broccoli cheese soup and in a quiche.

Daiya has some completely Soy Free, Dairy Free, Gluten Free imitation Cheese shreds that "melt and stretch". These are the best that I've found, though I wouldn't call them cheese, they do taste pretty good. They have Pepper Jack, Cheddar, and Mozzarella varieties. I've used these in Cream Soups as pizza toppings, taco filling, etc. The mozzarella kind of melts a bit slimy which sounds gross, but works as a pizza topping with other veggies and meats. The cheddar works quite well in cream soups.

There are probably more products I could list, but these are the big ones that I have been using. It really makes a huge difference in the variety of my diet to be able to find dairy substitutes that work for me. I'll end this post with my Dairy Free Broccoli Cheese Soup recipe that I've adjust and altered quite a bit. The "Cream Sauce" makes a good pasta topping as well. If you switch the cheddar shreds with the mozzarella and add some of the Tofutti Ricotta, it makes a tasty Alfredo sauce.

Ingredients:

1 tbsp grape seed or olive oil
1 small onion chopped
2 stalks of celery chopped
3 carrots chopped
1 teaspoon of Kosher Salt
1 teaspoon of fresh ground pepper
1 teaspoon of minced garlic
2-3 cups fresh broccoli chopped to small size.
About 2 cups Vegetable broth, Chicken Broth, or Water

Cream Sauce
1 container of unsweetened MimicCreme
4 tbsp Corn Starch
1 Package of Daiyo Cheddar shreds
1 package Vegan Chive and Garlic Cream Cheese

Heat grape seed oil in a large pot. Add onion, celery, carrots, salt and pepper. Sauté until tender. Add Broccoli, garlic and Broth and steam until tender. In a separate pot, prepare cream sauce. Heat Mimic Creme and Corn Starch until it thickens stirring constantly. Remove from heat and add cheese, stirring until melted. I have had to use an immersion blender to get the Daiyo Cheddar shreds to combine completely. Add the cream sauce to the broccoli and other vegetables and stir to combine. Stir on low heat until the flavors are combined.

Dietary Changes, Homeschooling (Or lack thereof), and Kicking People, preferably in the head.

My ability to write lately has waned due to my incessant busy schedule. I so want to write daily, but honestly, when I do have time, all I really want to do is rest. Between health issues, homeschooling, Taekwondo, and preparing for my spring garden, I don't have time to think about much else. I've been sharing most of my issues with my favorite ladies in a support group which has been there for about 10 years now. They are a huge source of friendship and helpful advice.

I have been suffering, in various degrees, since late July with severe IBS symptoms and for 3 years with severe migraines. I was diagnosed with IBS when I was pregnant with my last child, though I am sure I had it well before then. I've had digestion issues all my life. Since July, it has gotten a whole lot worse. There have been nights where I am up all night with stomach cramps and can't move far from the toilet let alone leaving the bathroom. It has hindered my ability to go to my normal activities, slowed my weight loss progress, and really just put me in an all around grumpy mood. I have both stomach pains and lower abdominal pains that are just horrific. I oscillate between... well... let me just say that I can either go for days without visiting a bathroom or I bring a book and stay a while when I do go.

In November, after Taekwondo camp, I decided to try to cure myself by eliminating Dairy. The food journal I was keeping saw a pattern where I would have IBS symptoms after consuming milk, soft cheese, or regular yogurt. Greek Yogurt and Harder cheeses didn't seem to bother me too much but I went cold turkey. Let me just say - giving up dairy (especially Reese's Cups and Starbucks Doublshots with Energy) was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I felt like such an addict. I had withdrawal symptoms and I still get occasional cravings for specific foods. Sometimes the smell of cheddar cheese or just seeing the bright orange packaging of a Reese's Cup makes my mouth water. Just call me Pavlov's Pooch...

So after kicking Dairy for about 3 weeks, my migraine headaches, which I'd been experiencing for 3 years several times a month, disappeared. I don't mean they lessened or just got mildly better... They went away completely. I've had only a few migraines since, but only when I've eaten out someplace questionable. I slipped up and ate a Reese's Cup this month in a fit of PMS induced craziness and suffered for 2 days after. The only problem - I eliminated dairy to solve my IBS issues. It didn't solve those issues in the slightest. I am still suffering daily stomach pain and cramping.

I scheduled appointments with the Gastroenterologist and had an Upper Endoscopy. They ruled out H-Pylori, mostly, and ruled out gallstones. It showed Gastritis, the lining of my stomach was very red, but I've not received the test results back. Since I've had the blood work, the biopsies, and all the other testing done, I decided to take matters into my own hands this week and have eliminated gluten as well as the dairy. So far so good. This transition has been much easier than the transition from dairy. I've found a couple of alternatives that I like, that aren't too expensive. So we will see if it helps after a few months of eliminating gluten.

With all the health issues and the holidays, our school schedule has been annoyingly sparse. I keep reminding myself that we homeschool for a reason and that I am not trying to get my kids "caught up" we have until they are 18 to get them through High School or later if necessary. But not having a schedule means we all suffer from feeling very disjointed. I'm hoping that next week we can get back to our regularly scheduled three weeks on one week off program. That schedule was working quite well for us in the fall.

I am struggling with Isaac and reading, but I figure he will eventually catch up when Oz starts catching on to it. He is just one of those kids who learns differently and I have to work with his strengths. Isaac is mostly working in 1st and 2nd grade, except for reading - he is finishing up the Kindergarten curriculum. Oz is working on Kindergarten on Time4Learning.com.

Evie has discovered a passion for reading anything she can find. She loves Science, especially, and is really working hard this year in it. She moves a little more slowly in Math, but is using Saxon 6/5 which combines 5/6 grades together. If she takes a little longer on it, I am okay with that!

Asher lacks just a few more assignments to complete 9th grade and has already begun some of his 10th grade stuff. He is focusing this semester on completing the 9th grade English and History and 10th grade Geometry. In June/July he will begin his 10th grade in full swing. I have focused this year on improving his writing skills and he has come such a long way from where he was just a few months ago. I am developing templates that he (and the other kids) can use throughout their lifetimes for certain kinds of assignments. It seems to be working out rather well and I am trying to develop it into something other homeschoolers can use.

The other busy thing in our lives is Taekwondo. We are getting ready for rank testing. Our current ranks are: Asher - 1st Senior, Evie - 1st Decided, Isaac - Senior Blue, Oz - Dragon Orange, Josh - Senior Brown, and I am a Red Belt. We participated in the National Tournament in Kissimmee, FL last weekend. Josh took double 3rd for forms and Sparring, Evie and I each took 2nd in Sparring in our divisions, Isaac got a spirit medal, Oz got a Dragon Gold Medal. Asher was injured the day before the tournament and unfortunately did not get to participate. He is still recovering and will not be testing this time around. Poor guy. Josh was Student of The Year for 2012 at Taekwondo. He worked really hard and has lost around 60 pounds since starting Taekwondo. It is great exercise.

I've lost several inches and about 15 pounds since I began and several inches in my legs and hips. But the way men can drop weight sometimes perplexes me. It is frustrating to be working very hard and not seeing the results I want. After watching my form video from the tournament, I determined 2 things: 1. I need to learn how to jump. 2. To learn how to jump, I *have* to lose probably 25 pounds.

I am going to push myself to do Weight Watchers again and really stick with it. It is so hard, when I have this weird love affair with food. I eat when I'm lonely, when I'm happy, or when I'm socializing. I tend to snack when I drive long distances if it is available. At home, I snack in the evenings. I really just *love* eating. Having stomach pains constantly, has also meant that I *hate* eating as well. I know it will hurt if I don't eat. But it also hurts if I do. I am trying to find a happy middle ground. Hopefully, removing gluten will settle my pains and I can get my portions under control as well with Weight Watchers.

I've had this great support structure for homeschooling, Taekwondo, and raising my children. I wish I had the same support structure for weight loss. I guess weight loss is something so internal that you have to do it on your own. I am not finding a community for it like I've found with other things.

I have started several plants indoors this winter and it is helping my seasonal depression issues a great deal. I have lettuce, cilantro, basil, and even potatoes growing indoors. It's a great feeling to know that I have this early start on my garden. I'll start my tomatoes and other plants in the coming weeks. I can't wait to have my garden again this season. It's going to be so neat to have it so much closer to my house. I hope it does well where I've moved it!

I wish I had all the time in the world to blog more regularly. Putting my thought from my head to my fingers, and onto a screen really does help me focus my energy and organize my thoughts. Perhaps I will make some time, perhaps I won't. But I won't feel guilty either way! :D