Ever get so busy, annoyed, and moody that you just want to check out on responsibility for a while? I am so there right now. As I sit in my back yard (by my new fire pit I received for Mother's Day posting this on our wireless network with iPad on my lap) I can't help, but be thankful for the many wonderful things in my life. But it is so easy to get stressed.
First, let us talk about my little stresses. I am currently convinced that preschool aged children all have multiple personality disorder... Osric is kissing me one instant and kicking me the next. Sometimes I just can't get a read on this child. He gives me such a hard time. And god help us all if he misses nap time. And Isaac is as moody and dramatic as a teenage soap opera. He is convinced that every bump he gets to his shin is a broken leg and every time his feelings get hurt he is just going to die. Being little isn't easy... Poor guys.
Then there are my bigger stresses - the school aged kids. Be it aggressive 11 year old testosterone filled Asher or highly sensitive cries at the drop of a hat almost 8 year old Evie, I am constantly worried about these two kids. We had a minor tragedy with Evie this morning when the ladybugs she was raising turned cannibal and began eating one another. It was time for them to be released anyway, but she bawled like she had lost a relative. I was so sad for her. Asher on the other hand seems to think that the world currently owes him and everything he is asked to do is unfair. I am trying very hard to convince him otherwise and figure by the time he is 25, we will have it all straightened out.
My kids are the least of my craziness. Even though I long for future days of no diapers and children who can all read and write, and I ache for a tantrum free day more than anything, my biggest stress right now has to be my self imposed life of servitude and constant responsibility. Having kids and a wonderful marriage was a choice I do not regret, but my lack of 'me time' (and I don't just mean the occasional mommy night out and date night, I mean real vacations with just my husband or by myself) is really starting to get to me. I see some mothers who seem so content to be with their kids all the time and I feel horribly guilty that I cannot be that way. I find myself snapping at the kids and my husband when *anyone* disturbs my only alone time - when I am sleeping and when I am in the bathroom. Then, when I do get some real alone time, I find myself feeling horribly guilty for needing it - like I should want my children to be with me where I am. I know my lack of 'me time' is really my own fault and that I just need to take the time if I need it, but I feel guilty for needing it in the first place so would it be more stressful take it and feel guilty than to continue suffering in my self imposed misery?
I am honestly not sure what the answer is. I'd like to spend about three days all by myself and find out...
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Summer plans and more gardening
Trying to work out a 'summer schedule' for school work, field trips, gardening, etc. is proving really challenging. We have been so busy the past several weeks that getting *any* school work done has been next to impossible. The social aspect of our lives is all consuming and I really need to take a step back and really examine the activities we do, when we are out of the house. We eat out more than we eat in and that is really hard on the wallet and not healthy at all. How can I manage to stay at home more? Getting my head wrapped around all that we do is even harder... It's so overwhelming.
The kids have summer theatre camp this year and we have our vacation this summer as well. Next fall, I will be making some hard decisions on what activities we do and don't do, but for now, we will just keep plugging away getting in as much as we can until the activities wind down a bit. The kids' plays are on May 21st, and we won't have theatre again until late summer for theatre camp. This will free our Mondays up for a while. I am trying to plan more weekend activities for our family because midweek field trips really throw off our school schedule. Working with three children has proven really difficult this year and I have floundered quite a bit on how to do it. So frustrating...
On the plus side, the few hours a week, I spend tending my garden have begun bearing fruit both literally and figuratively. My 5 gallon bucket of spinach and quart of strawberries were very tasty! When I go out in the evenings to tug at the weeds, pick off the pests, water, fertilize and train the vining plants, I totally relax. I long for the moment that I can escape out into the yard each day to play in my garden.
Evie helped me weed for a while today and it was a lot of fun describing the differences between the weeds and the plants. She is raising some lady bugs to go into the garden in a kit we ordered for her at Christmas. She's really loving watching her larvae turn into pupae. They are kind of creepy little things, but the end result, will hopefully be some lady bugs that can eat any mites, mealy worms, and aphids in my garden! I may have to order a few more kits for her to increase our lady bug numbers.
Asher is not too keen on the garden, mostly because he knows there are brussel sprouts out there that will hit his plate this summer. But he accepts that I love my garden and that it is important to me, so he leaves me to it. Oz and Isaac still love watering the plants, but sometimes try to help a little too much. Oz is really quick to help pull weeds and pull up things that aren't weeds.
Promising to post pictures soon of my garden, I have some I took several weeks ago, but the plants have grown to enormous proportions since then and I just don't think the pictures I have do it all justice!
The kids have summer theatre camp this year and we have our vacation this summer as well. Next fall, I will be making some hard decisions on what activities we do and don't do, but for now, we will just keep plugging away getting in as much as we can until the activities wind down a bit. The kids' plays are on May 21st, and we won't have theatre again until late summer for theatre camp. This will free our Mondays up for a while. I am trying to plan more weekend activities for our family because midweek field trips really throw off our school schedule. Working with three children has proven really difficult this year and I have floundered quite a bit on how to do it. So frustrating...
On the plus side, the few hours a week, I spend tending my garden have begun bearing fruit both literally and figuratively. My 5 gallon bucket of spinach and quart of strawberries were very tasty! When I go out in the evenings to tug at the weeds, pick off the pests, water, fertilize and train the vining plants, I totally relax. I long for the moment that I can escape out into the yard each day to play in my garden.
Evie helped me weed for a while today and it was a lot of fun describing the differences between the weeds and the plants. She is raising some lady bugs to go into the garden in a kit we ordered for her at Christmas. She's really loving watching her larvae turn into pupae. They are kind of creepy little things, but the end result, will hopefully be some lady bugs that can eat any mites, mealy worms, and aphids in my garden! I may have to order a few more kits for her to increase our lady bug numbers.
Asher is not too keen on the garden, mostly because he knows there are brussel sprouts out there that will hit his plate this summer. But he accepts that I love my garden and that it is important to me, so he leaves me to it. Oz and Isaac still love watering the plants, but sometimes try to help a little too much. Oz is really quick to help pull weeds and pull up things that aren't weeds.
Promising to post pictures soon of my garden, I have some I took several weeks ago, but the plants have grown to enormous proportions since then and I just don't think the pictures I have do it all justice!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
More gardening
Okay, so I've totally overdone it on my garden... I've been working on it every day I can since the end of February when it started to warm up. It is looking beautiful. I'll draw you all a mental picture. Visualize my back yard. Our lot is 1 1/3 acres. The back 1/4 is covered in trees, the first 1/4 is front yard and house, behind the house 1/4 is about 6 pecan trees, a magnolia, and some other trees. The next 1/4 is my garden space.
I love my garden space! In this space, I have three east to west raised lasagna beds, a compost bin, two rows of fruit trees/bushes and a raised strawberry bed. A dear friend in my autism parent support group taught me lots about lasagna gardening... Lasagna gardening involves starting with a layer of newspaper or cardboard as your base layer and then layer upon layer of soil and other compostable materials. Every layer brings so much organic goodness and my garden has the biggest pill bugs and worms! They just love it. Let me describe my set up.
I'll start with the lasagna beds. The on farthest to the right if you are standing with your back to the house is about 20 feet long. On the front end, I have a salvaged grape arbor with a red and a green seedless grape on it. Behind the grapes I have planted 10 asparagus roots that have not come up yet, but the roots looked good when I dug into them yesterday.. Behind the asparagus, I have carrots, then, parsnips, spinach, cilantro, and wavy parsley. I've also planted three hills of cucumbers and a row of bush beans in this bed. On the right of the bed, I just discovered the concord grape I planted after I first moved into this house and then mowed over... It somehow survived and I need to buy another grape arbor for it.
The next bed, also about 20 feet, contains a row of sugar snap peas in the middle, 16 baby tomato plants encircling the peas, and both iceberg and romaine lettuce encircling the entire bed on the outside (15 lettuce plants have survived out of about 25 that I planted).
The next row is my big row, it is about 80 feet long and 4 ft - 6 ft wide. Starting at the front of the bed, I have about 5 volunteer pumpkin plants, three rows of four varieties of potato (red, white, Yukon gold, and purple). Outside the potatoes, I've planted a row of watermelon. Next comes three short rows of bush beans I planted three weeks ago. Next to the beans is some volunteer spaghetti squash (I think). Behind the beans, I have two sections of onions. One is yellow the other red. After the onions are 18 broccoli plants, then 9 cabbage, then, 4 hills of zucchini, then 9 brussels sprouts, and 18 cauliflower. Outside of the cauliflower and Brussels sprouts, I've put 5 more hills of zucchini. In between each section of crops, I have planted 2 tomato plants except near the potatoes for a total of 31 tomato plants in 7 separate varieties in all in the entire garden. (those varieties are purple cherokee, brandywine, jubilee, curry, super beefsteak, superboy, and mortgage maker. Two pinks, three reds, a yellow and a purple heirloom).
Next comes my fruit - an east to west row containing about 6-8 feet apart each - 3 thornless blackberries, a red raspberry, two blue berries, a dwarf cherry and a pitiful little stick of a fig tree. The next row has a raised bed of strawberry plants which I plan to expand this fall - big time- then two more blue berry plants (I want another blue berry or 10 as well) and a semi-dwarf cherry tree.
If all of these plants do well, I will have produce coming out of my ears this summer! I will hopefully have enough to do lots of freezing, canning, and preserving as well as plenty of fresh veggies to snack on and use in recipes. And some to give away and maybe even sell! I already have a good bit of spinach that is very near harvesting and can't wait to start munching. The best thing about the way I garden how little weeding you have to do. I mow around the outsides of the beds and pull up the few weeds that invade. But the invaders are a lot less than when I was tilling the yard for traditional garden space. I can't wait to see what grows well!
I love my garden space! In this space, I have three east to west raised lasagna beds, a compost bin, two rows of fruit trees/bushes and a raised strawberry bed. A dear friend in my autism parent support group taught me lots about lasagna gardening... Lasagna gardening involves starting with a layer of newspaper or cardboard as your base layer and then layer upon layer of soil and other compostable materials. Every layer brings so much organic goodness and my garden has the biggest pill bugs and worms! They just love it. Let me describe my set up.
I'll start with the lasagna beds. The on farthest to the right if you are standing with your back to the house is about 20 feet long. On the front end, I have a salvaged grape arbor with a red and a green seedless grape on it. Behind the grapes I have planted 10 asparagus roots that have not come up yet, but the roots looked good when I dug into them yesterday.. Behind the asparagus, I have carrots, then, parsnips, spinach, cilantro, and wavy parsley. I've also planted three hills of cucumbers and a row of bush beans in this bed. On the right of the bed, I just discovered the concord grape I planted after I first moved into this house and then mowed over... It somehow survived and I need to buy another grape arbor for it.
The next bed, also about 20 feet, contains a row of sugar snap peas in the middle, 16 baby tomato plants encircling the peas, and both iceberg and romaine lettuce encircling the entire bed on the outside (15 lettuce plants have survived out of about 25 that I planted).
The next row is my big row, it is about 80 feet long and 4 ft - 6 ft wide. Starting at the front of the bed, I have about 5 volunteer pumpkin plants, three rows of four varieties of potato (red, white, Yukon gold, and purple). Outside the potatoes, I've planted a row of watermelon. Next comes three short rows of bush beans I planted three weeks ago. Next to the beans is some volunteer spaghetti squash (I think). Behind the beans, I have two sections of onions. One is yellow the other red. After the onions are 18 broccoli plants, then 9 cabbage, then, 4 hills of zucchini, then 9 brussels sprouts, and 18 cauliflower. Outside of the cauliflower and Brussels sprouts, I've put 5 more hills of zucchini. In between each section of crops, I have planted 2 tomato plants except near the potatoes for a total of 31 tomato plants in 7 separate varieties in all in the entire garden. (those varieties are purple cherokee, brandywine, jubilee, curry, super beefsteak, superboy, and mortgage maker. Two pinks, three reds, a yellow and a purple heirloom).
Next comes my fruit - an east to west row containing about 6-8 feet apart each - 3 thornless blackberries, a red raspberry, two blue berries, a dwarf cherry and a pitiful little stick of a fig tree. The next row has a raised bed of strawberry plants which I plan to expand this fall - big time- then two more blue berry plants (I want another blue berry or 10 as well) and a semi-dwarf cherry tree.
If all of these plants do well, I will have produce coming out of my ears this summer! I will hopefully have enough to do lots of freezing, canning, and preserving as well as plenty of fresh veggies to snack on and use in recipes. And some to give away and maybe even sell! I already have a good bit of spinach that is very near harvesting and can't wait to start munching. The best thing about the way I garden how little weeding you have to do. I mow around the outsides of the beds and pull up the few weeds that invade. But the invaders are a lot less than when I was tilling the yard for traditional garden space. I can't wait to see what grows well!
Gardening with kids
Gardening with kids can be both infuriating and fun. I love spending time with my kids, but gardening is always something I've done just for me. Sure, it produces some food for the entire family, but my love for being in the dirt, working with soil, pulling weeds, watching things grow... It is just *mine*! But I have always wanted to foster that love in my kids. I want them to enjoy watching things grow too. So they have helped a little in the garden this year. Evie has helped me plant pole beans. Isaac planted watermelon yesterday. Asher loves to help water the garden. And Oz mostly just observes, though he has tried to help weed by pulling out stuff he shouldn't! And they all love transferring worms to my composting bin.
I love having them out there with me to help sometimes - so I can teach them how to love the process of watching things grow and they are so much more likely to eat veggies from my garden than from the grocery store. All of that is is so wonderful, but sometimes, I just want the quiet. I want to keep the experience all to myself. I want to go outside without having to chase Oz or instruct on weed vs. plant. I just want to be out there without disturbance or distraction, because it is *mine*.
Then I feel guilty about this selfishness - about my need - no... that's not right. My *desire* to have something that I don't have to share with anyone else. My *desire* to commune with nature on an almost worshipful level - this centers my mind and heart so I can do the job of educating my children and taking care of the household. Hmm... So is it desire or need? I'm not sure. Pictures of my gardening adventures to follow soon, I hope.
I love having them out there with me to help sometimes - so I can teach them how to love the process of watching things grow and they are so much more likely to eat veggies from my garden than from the grocery store. All of that is is so wonderful, but sometimes, I just want the quiet. I want to keep the experience all to myself. I want to go outside without having to chase Oz or instruct on weed vs. plant. I just want to be out there without disturbance or distraction, because it is *mine*.
Then I feel guilty about this selfishness - about my need - no... that's not right. My *desire* to have something that I don't have to share with anyone else. My *desire* to commune with nature on an almost worshipful level - this centers my mind and heart so I can do the job of educating my children and taking care of the household. Hmm... So is it desire or need? I'm not sure. Pictures of my gardening adventures to follow soon, I hope.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The perfect homeschooling group
I have struggled over the years in trying to find the 'perfect' homeschooling group. I have bopped from place to place and group to group trying to find something that provides everything that I need and want for my kids. I've joined 'free' groups - where it's nothing but activities, fun stuff and field trips. I've been part of the other extreme as well - the organized educational group. None of these groups have been 'perfect' for my my kids. Any group we join has had to be an inclusive group (not exclusive to a certain faith or creed or race) due to the nature of the differences in beliefs even within my own family.
The vision of the group I'm in now, comes closest to what I have wanted for my kids over the years. I'll paraphrase what the bylaws state the purpose of the group is to provide for the educational needs of its members by providing member organized educational enrichment and group activities, provide a communications network, promote homeschooling, and share resources. This comes the closest to any group I've been in to providing what my kids need - educational *fun* activities that provide both additional academic enrichment and an opportunity for my kids to see their friends on a regular basis. Providing these activities has led to other purely social activities such as our board game nights, play dates at our house, sleep overs, movie dates, etc.
However, I would argue that these social activities are educational. Socialization is one of the educational goals of homeschooling. Our group also has park day - which is a member organized purely social event. However, I would argue it is not purely social as the social aspect of our lives is part of our education. A purely social activity ends up being incredibly educational. Our group also does field trips which are 'educational' in nature. However, I've not been on a field trip in this group in which social lessons were not learned and practiced right along side the educational ones.
The fact is this - you can't have educational without the social and you can't have the social with out the educational. I would argue that not only are the two NOT mutually exclusive, but are DEPENDENT upon one another for the survival of a homeschooling group.
While some families will want a co-op sort of supplement to their home learning, others will require only field trips and park days - and there are many in betweens (for example, our group offers organized activities such as Girl Scouts, First Lego League, Spelling Bee, etc.). I don't know if there is a singular homeschooling group out there that can or would want to provide or be all things to all people. However, I think anyone can benefit both educationally and socially from a group focused on education.
Think about the old frustrating question we hear from people constantly when we tell them we are homeschooling: "But what about socialization?" Leave alone the fact that we all know what kind of crap this question is when referencing all we do as home schoolers. Most of us are so busy with our enrichment and social activities that we wonder how many times our children will crack a book open this week if we can't get our butts home and off the road.
So we join a homeschooling group to 'socialize' our poor friendless children because we are afraid that the people asking us, "But what about socialization?" could be right... I sometimes wonder, "Could I be harming my child socially by homeschooling?" Then I think about my school life. School was focused on education - academics - went to class many hours per day 5 days a week for many years. I managed to make a few friends and socialize along the way - but my school life was focused on academics. My social life focused on my extracurricular activities - for me that meant finding common ground with my friends in band, those who liked being outdoors and those who were interested in playing games (even if I didn't find my gaming soul until later in life).
I'm honestly beginning to realize that I've worried way too long and hard about the socialization of my children and have lost what the purpose of homeschooling is - education. The socialization occurs naturally if I provide my children with enough opportunity to interact with their peers on a daily basis or at least several times per week. Whatever the activity that enriches our current curriculum at home, (Drama, Art, Taekwondo, Park days, Field Trips, Science Classes, clubs etc.) somehow or another my kids seem to find the time to make friends and enjoy themselves. The aim of a homeschooling group does not have to be social because that is not the purpose of homeschooling. So what is the perfect homeschooling group? I don't think it exists. But for my kids, a group focused on educational enrichment will provide both the social and academic goals we are trying to reach.
What I have had to stop focusing on is how happy I am within the group. Since I rejoined this group that I am in now, I have made only a few new close friends even though the makeup of the group has changed quite a bit. When I rejoined, a lot of friendships and bonds were made that I couldn't seem to break into. I felt extremely unwanted and unneeded within the group. When there were things I thought I could bring to the group, I didn't because I didn't feel liked or wanted. So I have avoided getting involved. And I have avoided getting my children too involved because of my discomfort and hurt feelings. Until the past few months, I have avoided being involved because I just didn't feel liked within the current group structure. It left me feeling really depressed. Then I decided to begin work on our group's handbook (my job for the year) and while my social life within the group has not gotten a whole lot better - I still feel left out and alone a lot of the time - my attitude and knowledge about where the group is headed has improved. I've acknowledged this as an acceptable outcome because my kids are very happy within the group. So, while my group is not "the perfect homeschooling group" in my eyes - it is the best homeschooling group for my kids.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Commonalities and Unification
The homeschooling community is so diverse... Everyone is there for a different reason. Everyone has different belief systems (unless you belong to a fairly homogeneous group). Every homeschooling family I've ever met has at least one commonality (besides a passion for homeschooling). ALL homeschooling families are non-conformists. We don't go with the flow of society and we wouldn't have it any other way. No homeschooling family wants their kids to be normal or 'run of the mill'. We embrace 'different-ness' and we adore creativity.
BUT the problem with being a in our own world is that we are somewhat resistant to a change in our own groove - or having to follow a 'group groove' that might be different from our own. I am learning to embrace changes for the better... I am pushing myself to become more involved in being part of that change by volunteering for things that are out of my comfort zone and encouraging others to do the same.
I'm interested in team building activities and planning a 'day camp' for the moms in my homeschooling group one Saturday in the future. I think making this a time for moms who don't necessarily hang out on a normal park day or don't attend the same field trips would be wonderful. I think that when the kids see the parents getting along, caring and empathizing for one another, we can lead by example and our children will probably learn to do this as well!
Hmm... Things to ponder.
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