The seriously crazy mom's life...

Ever get so busy, annoyed, and moody that you just want to check out on responsibility for a while? I am so there right now. As I sit in my back yard (by my new fire pit I received for Mother's Day posting this on our wireless network with iPad on my lap) I can't help, but be thankful for the many wonderful things in my life. But it is so easy to get stressed.

First, let us talk about my little stresses. I am currently convinced that preschool aged children all have multiple personality disorder... Osric is kissing me one instant and kicking me the next. Sometimes I just can't get a read on this child. He gives me such a hard time. And god help us all if he misses nap time. And Isaac is as moody and dramatic as a teenage soap opera. He is convinced that every bump he gets to his shin is a broken leg and every time his feelings get hurt he is just going to die. Being little isn't easy... Poor guys.

Then there are my bigger stresses - the school aged kids. Be it aggressive 11 year old testosterone filled Asher or highly sensitive cries at the drop of a hat almost 8 year old Evie, I am constantly worried about these two kids. We had a minor tragedy with Evie this morning when the ladybugs she was raising turned cannibal and began eating one another. It was time for them to be released anyway, but she bawled like she had lost a relative. I was so sad for her. Asher on the other hand seems to think that the world currently owes him and everything he is asked to do is unfair. I am trying very hard to convince him otherwise and figure by the time he is 25, we will have it all straightened out.

My kids are the least of my craziness. Even though I long for future days of no diapers and children who can all read and write, and I ache for a tantrum free day more than anything, my biggest stress right now has to be my self imposed life of servitude and constant responsibility. Having kids and a wonderful marriage was a choice I do not regret, but my lack of 'me time' (and I don't just mean the occasional mommy night out and date night, I mean real vacations with just my husband or by myself) is really starting to get to me. I see some mothers who seem so content to be with their kids all the time and I feel horribly guilty that I cannot be that way. I find myself snapping at the kids and my husband when *anyone* disturbs my only alone time - when I am sleeping and when I am in the bathroom. Then, when I do get some real alone time, I find myself feeling horribly guilty for needing it - like I should want my children to be with me where I am. I know my lack of 'me time' is really my own fault and that I just need to take the time if I need it, but I feel guilty for needing it in the first place so would it be more stressful take it and feel guilty than to continue suffering in my self imposed misery?

I am honestly not sure what the answer is. I'd like to spend about three days all by myself and find out...