When failure feels good. (Embodying the Tenets of Taekwondo - Perseverance)

(Note:  This is a new series I am writing called "Embodying the Tenets of Taekwondo".  I want to talk about those I see around me and how they embody the Tenets of Taekwondo.  I also want to talk about what I have learned from them.  The first is Perseverance.) 

I am struggling right now.  There are days when Taekwondo is really hard - when LIFE is really hard.  Tonight felt like one of those nights.  My legs felt like lead.  I felt slow, out of breath, weak, and above all, seriously fat.  I still got my workout in, I laid on the sweat, I sparred my hardest, my form looked...  meh...  There are nights when I help with the instruction of the kids classes and I just want to fall over and sit on my butt the rest of the night, but I can't do that.  Despite my struggles, I can't sit down and just quit.  I have come too far - even when I have failed like I felt I did tonight - to just give up.  Let me tell you why:

My daughter, Evie, began Taekwondo as a wee little six year old way back in early 2009.  She had been watching her older brother do class for about 4 months and while she enjoyed her little dance class, Taekwondo pulled on her heart a lot more so than dance.  Evie progressed through her belts at a normal pace and won some medals at tournaments.  She loved coming to class and she worked really hard.  Like most six year olds, Evie, made some small mistakes in her forms and sparring, but as a mom, I had no clue what she was doing wrong or right.  Sitting on the sidelines, you just don’t realize how difficult Taekwondo really is!

In 2010, she ranked up to Brown Belt. As an 8 year old Brown Belt, Evie was breaking a yellow rebreakable plastic board.  She was so tiny and even though yellow is a fairly easy board to break, she struggled.  She had one no change at Brown, passed the next testing, had another no change at senior brown, then passed again. Her failures inspired me to begin Taekwondo – because I watched her struggle and wanted to really understand why she struggled.  There is nothing like being on the mats to teach a parent what the struggle is.

By the time she reached Red Belt, she of course had graduated to an orange board and was really struggling.  This was April of 2011 – 2 months before she turned 9 in June.  At age 9, a Red Belt is to break an Orange/Green board.  She just could not break that board.  Thus began "Evie’s Year at Red/Senior Red Belt".  I use a title for this because it was such a trying time in her life.  It is truly a “moment” in her life she will always remember.  I watched my child grow emotionally so much in that year.  Evie experienced embarrassment that some of her friends surpassed her (though I would point out that a lot of those friends who surpassed her, have since quit), she didn’t want to show up – again – after each testing with the same old belt – but she did.  Only once, did she consider quitting.  On that day, I asked her a question, “How do you eat an elephant?” This has been a question in our household whenever we face a challenge that seems insurmountable.  She gave the answer that I have always taught her, “One bite at a time.”  She set her mind to it right then. She never gave up.  She persevered.

Evie became kind of a hero to the parents and kids who watched her struggle.  We all cried with her when she failed but encouraged her to keep trying.  And try she did.  My 9 year old daughter began carrying around a 3 pound weight all the time, then a 5 pound weight - just doing curls to make her arms stronger.  She did squats.  She did slow motion sidekicks.  She practiced her techniques again, and again, and again.  She kicked the heavy bags, she kicked a target.  The instructors pushed her.  She threw palm heels, she perfected the technique.  She experimented with other techniques.  She learned to problem solve.  She learned to treat each failure not as a failure, but as a struggle to grow.  She endured hardship and failure because she was learning that failure was not a horrible thing – with every failure, she learned something new. 

Let’s fast forward to 2014, 6 years into Evie’s Taekwondo Career.   Her failures were not in vain.  She got stronger and she got smarter.  Twelve year old Evie Street is now a 2^nd Degree Decided Black Belt, a Level 2 Instructor, competes at every tournament she is able to, judges at tournaments, and school owners she has worked with comment on what a cool kid she is.  Now when she has a no change (fails) at testings, she knows that trying again is really just a way to learn new things.

Her struggles in Taekwondo have also helped her succeed academically.  Learning that failure is not a bad thing has made her unafraid to try and fail or succeed at new things.  Of her own accord, she is pushing herself through a High School curriculum at home so she can graduate early and move on to pursuing a career in Biology.  She is not crazy about Math, but practices on her own so she can get better at it even though it is a struggle.  She is an avid reader, accomplished artist, and astute animal caretaker (her zoo currently includes 3 geckos, a newt, 4 cats, 3 dogs, and a finch).  She has completed and aced High School Biology, Ecology, and World History I all on her own.  She is working toward finishing English I, Psychology, Anatomy & Physiology, Earth and Environmental Science, World History II before this school year is over.     Evie is also an accomplished Girl Scout who isn’t afraid of cave diving or camping trips, has earned her Girl Scout Bronze Award, and is working toward her Silver Award as well.  

While she continues to pursue goals in Taekwondo, she knows there will always be setbacks and successes!  This child has been a huge inspiration to me as I have struggled similarly in my Taekwondo adventures.  Board breaking is really difficult for me, but I know that eventually, I will succeed.  Hard work, and learning through failure is a beautiful thing.  Sometimes, when you really learn something, failure feels great.

I'm not sure she will ever realize what an inspiration she is to me.  Watching her grow up has taught me more about what it is to persevere.  As painful as it has been to watch her struggle, in the end, the struggle itself is quite valuable.